Fergie threatens to bring Keano out of retirement, while Mancini and Mario are at it again.
Who's been saying what in another week of sporting verbal sparring?
"The gods are conspiring against us. I think I've shot an albatross or something."
Alex McLeish gets to the bottom of Aston Villa's struggles this season.
"What chance have I got against that?"
Lee Westwood concedes his kids would rather watch
Take Me Out than their old man on the fairway. #nolikeynolighty #fortheloveofgod
"Everything's instant now, even the coffee." A forward thinking
Kenny Dalglish pines for a simpler time, 1901 to be exact.
"He had some curried goat and maybe that was why he was fuelled up today."
Alan Pardew on the reason behind Papiss Cisse's two-goal salvo against Liverpool.
"We were losing games, and we're continuing to lose, but we made our decision and we're sticking to it."
Jez Moxey keeps driving Wolves forward.
"There are no problems if we had to play Eric (Lichaj). Andy Weimann is champing at the door too."
Alex McLeish clearly has no fears over splinters.
"I'm watching Bear Grylls cope with the frigid French Alps before bedtime. If it snows tomorrow in Colombo I shall be the man to turn to."
Graeme Swann hopes for a drop in temperature ahead of England's second test in a sweltering Sri Lanka.
"I would think if someone is going to offer him £200,000 a week it could probably turn his head a little, yes!"
Harry Redknapp looks forward to another summer of rival clubs sniffing around Luka Modric.
"Is AC worth more than a 12 year old Vauxhall Vectra parked doon the teams (eh, what?) on a winters night?" Andy Carroll's former agent
Peter Harrison is in no way bitter about his split from the Liverpool striker.
"They used to say to me, 'You're only allowed to use one hand against him', because I used to beat him up that bad."
Amir Khan ramps up the bad blood ahead of a potential rumble with Kell Brook.
"Sometimes Amir's balls are too big for his own good."
Richard Schaefer. Not much more to add to that one.
"It is a stupid injury. It is better that we don't talk about this."
Roberto Mancini sends Twitter into speculation overdrive after refusing to give details of Sergio Aguero's 'stupid' injury.
"There are livelihoods on the line here, lads whose careers are on the line." Expect
Joey Barton to come round with a bucket if QPR fail to beat the drop.
"I miss Roma a lot because it always rains here in Liverpool."
Alexander Doni on loving life at Liverpool. Good job he didn't sign for City or United.
"If I scored on Sunday then I wouldn't celebrate."
Andy Carroll. Think we all know where this one's going.
Just in case you've been out of the country, here's
Kenny: "Andy marched up the tunnel (after being substituted), he was frustrated and disappointed for himself and at the result. We don't have a problem with people showing their disappointment or frustration, but we need to channel it better than we have done."
"Sorry, phone's going. No phones at Augusta... Let's pretend no-one heard anything."
Rory McIlroy takes an unwanted call at a press conference ahead of The Masters.
"Gavin admitted himself his behaviour was totally unacceptable and the immediate termination of his contract sends out a clear message that behaviour like that will not be tolerated at the Blues."
Gavin Henson is shown the door by Cardiff Blues after drunken behaviour on a flight back from Glasgow. Coming to
Dancing on Ice any day now...
"Watching the ball is always a good starting point."
Andrew Strauss gets back to basics.
"We can bring Keane back if he wants to make it interesting."
Sir Alex Ferguson politely asks Patrick Vieira to pipe down after his much publicised recent comments.
"No, I don't trust Mario. No-one trusts Mario. He is a top player. In the last eight games he could be important for us. But trust him? Never."
Roberto Mancini backs Mr Balotelli to the hilt.
"A player like Mario or (Edin) Dzeko should score two or three goals in a game like this." Jeez Mario, the gaffer's not asking much.
"Sometimes Mario is a fool and at other times he is a genius - there are two sides to him. Lots of people expect him to pull off crazy stunts and as a result he feels he must do something. People like that need to have upheaval in their lives in order to perform."
Nigel de Jong attempts to make sense of the way Mario's mind works. Good luck with that one...
"We have played like Swansea. At Watford (4-0), at Nottingham Forest (4-1), Portsmouth at home (4-3), the second half at Peterborough (2-0)."
Sam Allardyce on Barcelona-lite West Ham.
